Permission Granted: You Do Not Have to Earn Rest Before You Heal

August 17, 2026 By Lorin S. Burke LPC

Maybe Healing Looks Different Than You Thought

Black Girl Picnic 2026-Healing can look like community, joy,

fellowship, and giving yourself permission to simply be.

What if your anxiety is not telling you that you are weak—but that you have been carrying too much for too long?

Permission is defined as the act of allowing someone to do something, or the state of being allowed to do something.

As children, permission seemed simple.

Mom, can I go outside?

Can I go over my friend’s house?

Can I have the last piece of cake?

We asked.

Someone answered.

And somewhere between childhood and adulthood, permission became much more complicated.

Now permission comes with stipulations.

I can rest after I finish this.

I can take care of myself after everyone else is okay.

I can go to therapy when things get really bad.

I can take the day off when I absolutely cannot keep going.

I can slow down once everything is done.

But here is the problem:

Everything is never done.

There will always be another email.

Another school drop-off.

Another bill.

Another deadline.

Another person who needs you.

Another load of laundry.

Another phone call.

Another crisis.

Another expectation.

And if rest only comes when everything is finished, some of us will spend our entire lives exhausted.

When Did We Decide Rest Had to Be Earned?

We live in a culture that often celebrates productivity while quietly ignoring exhaustion.

We applaud the woman who can manage the children, marriage, career, business, aging parents, friendships, household, appointments, finances, community responsibilities and everyone else's emotional needs—and still show up looking put together.

We call her strong.

But sometimes "strong" is a woman whose nervous system has not had an opportunity to exhale in years.

And eventually, the body keeps the receipts.

Anxiety can look like worry, but it can also show up physically and behaviorally. People experiencing significant anxiety may notice persistent worry, irritability, feeling on edge, difficulty relaxing, problems concentrating, fatigue, sleep problems, headaches, muscle tension, stomach discomfort, sweating, lightheadedness or shortness of breath. Some people even notice frequent trips to the bathroom.

Sometimes the woman saying, "I'm just tired," is actually saying:

My nervous system is overwhelmed.

Anxiety Is More Than Worrying

Anxiety itself is not automatically a mental health disorder.

We all experience anxiety.

You might feel anxious before an important meeting, when waiting for medical results, when money is tight, when your child is struggling or when life feels uncertain.

That is part of being human.

But an anxiety disorder is different.

The National Institute of Mental Health explains that anxiety disorders involve more than occasional fear or worry. The anxiety may persist, occur across different situations and become increasingly difficult to manage. It can eventually interfere with work, school, relationships and everyday life.

That is an important distinction.

The question isn't simply, "Do I have anxiety?"

A better question may be:

"How much of my life is anxiety controlling?"

Are you avoiding things you actually want to do?

Are you unable to sleep because your brain will not stop?

Do you constantly anticipate the worst-case scenario?

Are you checking, overthinking or repeatedly asking for reassurance?

Are you having trouble concentrating at work?

Are you irritable with the people you love because you are emotionally exhausted?

Are you always preparing for a crisis that hasn't happened?

Are you unable to relax even when nothing is technically wrong?

That is when we need to pay attention.

And Then There Are Panic Attacks

A panic attack can feel completely different from everyday anxiety.

The onset is typically sudden.

A person may be sitting at work, driving, lying in bed, grocery shopping or seemingly doing absolutely nothing dangerous when their body suddenly reacts as though an emergency is happening.

The heart may begin racing.

Breathing may feel difficult.

You may sweat or shake.

Your chest may hurt.

You may become dizzy or nauseous.

Your hands may tingle or feel numb.

You may feel detached from your surroundings.

And one of the most terrifying symptoms can be the overwhelming thought:

Something terrible is about to happen.

Or:

I'm dying.

Or:

I'm losing control.

These symptoms are real physical experiences—not someone being "dramatic." Panic attacks activate the body's fear response so powerfully that they can feel like a medical emergency.

How Quickly Does a Panic Attack Start?

Panic attacks tend to begin abruptly.

Symptoms often intensify quickly and commonly peak within approximately 10 to 20 minutes, although individual experiences vary.

How Long Does a Panic Attack Last?

A panic attack may last only a few minutes, but symptoms can sometimes continue for an hour or longer.

And even after the attack ends, the emotional aftermath can stay with someone much longer.

Because now another fear can appear:

What if it happens again?

How Often Can Panic Attacks Happen?

There is no single pattern.

Some people may experience panic attacks several times in one day, while others may experience only a few attacks throughout an entire year.

Having one panic attack does not automatically mean that someone has panic disorder.

Panic disorder involves recurrent, unexpected attacks along with persistent concern about another attack or changes in behavior because of that fear. Clinicians also look for at least a month of ongoing worry, fear about the meaning of the attacks or behavioral changes intended to prevent another one.

Panic disorder often begins during the late teenage years or early adulthood, although anxiety and panic symptoms can occur at other ages as well.

What Causes Panic Attacks?

Sometimes there is an obvious trigger.

Sometimes there isn't.

And that is part of what makes panic attacks so frightening.

Researchers believe panic disorder can involve a combination of genetic, biological, environmental and stress-related factors. One way researchers describe panic is as a type of false alarm—the body's survival system activates too strongly or at a time when there is no immediate danger.

Imagine having a smoke detector that sounds every time you make toast.

The alarm works.

The problem is that it cannot distinguish toast from a house fire.

For some people living with panic, the nervous system can begin responding similarly.

A racing heart becomes:

Something is wrong.

That thought creates more fear.

More fear increases the heart rate.

The increased heart rate feels like confirmation that something terrible is happening.

And the cycle intensifies.

Stress and environmental experiences may also contribute to anxiety, and anxiety disorders can be influenced by genetics, biology, brain chemistry and experiences such as trauma or prolonged stressful environments.

Poor sleep and high caffeine intake may also worsen anxiety symptoms for some people, which is why sleep, stress management and reducing caffeine may sometimes be discussed alongside professional treatment.

When Does Anxiety Become an Impairment?

This may be the most important question.

Anxiety becomes particularly concerning when it begins determining how you live.

When you stop driving because you're afraid you'll panic.

When you stop traveling.

When you cannot concentrate at work.

When your relationships are suffering.

When you repeatedly call off.

When you cannot sleep.

When you avoid crowded places.

When you need someone with you because you're afraid something will happen.

When you spend significant portions of your day worrying.

When you are physically present with your children but mentally trapped in catastrophic thoughts.

When you have stopped doing things you once enjoyed because avoiding anxiety feels safer.

That is impairment.

Anxiety disorders can significantly interfere with job performance, school, relationships and routine activities. In severe cases, avoidance can become so significant that people begin withdrawing from social situations or even become afraid to leave home.

For generalized anxiety disorder specifically, clinicians consider patterns including excessive worry that is difficult to control on most days for at least six months, together with additional symptoms such as restlessness, fatigue, concentration difficulties, irritability, muscle tension or sleep problems.

You don't have to memorize diagnostic criteria.

But you should know this:

You do not have to wait until your life completely falls apart before asking for help.

Healing doesn’t always happen on a therapist’s couch. Sometimes it looks like community, conversation, laughter, and giving ourselves permission to simply be. — Black Girl Picnic 2026

“Mental health therapist and author vending books and wellness resources at the Black Girl Picnic in Detroit.”

Maybe Healing Looks Different Than You Thought

Recently, my husband helped me set up my vending table at the Black Girl Picnic.

He looked around at all of the women gathering—the beautifully decorated picnic blankets, floral arrangements, food, laughter and fellowship—and said:

"I don't know what those people are doing."

I laughed and asked him:

"What did you think this was going to be?"

He replied:

"I thought y'all were going to be working or something."

And my response stuck with me.

No. We were healing.

We were healing a community.

We were giving ourselves permission to fellowship.

Permission to laugh.

Permission to sit down.

Permission to love on one another.

Permission to love ourselves.

Yes, I was technically working.

I was vending.

Selling my books.

Networking.

Talking about mental health.

Having conversations about healing.

But I'm going to tell you the truth:

It felt like fun.

And as I looked around, I started thinking about the women who do not give themselves that permission.

The woman who feels guilty sitting down.

The woman whose identity has become taking care of everybody.

The woman who knows she needs therapy but worries about what people will think.

The woman whose anxiety is getting worse but tells herself:

"I'll deal with it later."

The woman who has spent so much time surviving that she doesn't remember what it feels like simply to be.

I thought about the stigma that still exists around mental health.

And I wondered:

What would happen if we finally gave ourselves permission to heal?

The Pandemic Taught Some of Us Something

For many people, the COVID-19 pandemic brought tremendous grief, trauma, uncertainty and loss.

But I have also had clients describe one unexpected part of that period: for the first time in years, life forced them to slow down.

There were people who started taking walks.

Families ate dinner together.

People learned mindfulness.

They sat outside.

They noticed things.

They rested.

Not because the circumstances were good—but because the constant motion of everyday life had temporarily changed.

And then the world opened again.

The calendars filled.

The traffic returned.

The expectations returned.

And many of us went right back to running.

But maybe we were never meant to live every day in survival mode.

Permission Granted

So consider this your reminder.

Permission granted to rest before you're exhausted.

Permission granted to say no without providing a five-paragraph explanation.

Permission granted to turn your phone off.

Permission granted to ask for help.

Permission granted to stop being everybody's emergency contact.

Permission granted to protect your peace.

Permission granted to go to therapy even if you can technically "handle it."

Permission granted to laugh.

Permission granted to change your mind.

Permission granted to admit that you're overwhelmed.

Permission granted to stop calling anxiety "just stress" when it is disrupting your life.

Permission granted to heal.

Because you were never supposed to earn your humanity through exhaustion.

And woman, let me remind you:

You are magic.

Don't allow life, trauma, anxiety, expectations or other people's demands to convince you otherwise.

You come from greatness.

You have birthed children, ideas, businesses, movements, families, communities and generations.

You have carried enough.

Perhaps this season isn't asking you to become stronger.

Maybe this season is asking you to put something down.

Your Permission Slip Starts Here

If you read this article and thought, "She is talking directly to me," pay attention to that feeling.

If anxiety, panic, overthinking, burnout or constantly being "the strong one" is beginning to interfere with your peace, relationships, sleep, work or ability to enjoy your life, you do not have to wait until things become unbearable.

Give yourself permission to get support.

Therapy can provide a space where you don't have to perform, fix anyone, take care of anyone or have all the answers.

You simply get to show up.

And heal.

Ready to give yourself permission? Reach out today to learn more about therapy and take your next step toward healing.

Because sometimes the strongest thing a woman can say is not "I can handle it."

It's "I don't want to carry this alone anymore."

Important note: Panic symptoms such as chest pain, shortness of breath, dizziness and a racing heart can overlap with medical emergencies. New, severe, unusual or concerning physical symptoms should not automatically be assumed to be anxiety; seek appropriate medical evaluation.

Clinical information in this article is educational and is informed by resources from the National Institute of Mental Health and the National Library of Medicine. It is not a substitute for individualized medical or mental health assessment.

Take the Next Step: Give Yourself Permission

Healing is not just something we talk about—it is something we practice.

If this article resonated with you, continue the journey with my Permission Granted journal, created to help you slow down, reflect, reconnect with yourself, and intentionally choose you.

Inside, you’ll be encouraged to examine the areas of your life where you may have been waiting for permission to rest, heal, set boundaries, dream bigger, and make yourself a priority.

You do not have to wait for someone else to give you permission. Permission is already yours.

 Ready to begin? Purchase your copy of Permission Granted on Amazon here.

Permission granted to heal. Permission granted to rest. Permission granted to choose you.