Is It Me? Let’s Talk About Boundaries.

Boundaries. Everybody loves the word until somebody actually sets one

Boundaries are the limits we establish to protect our time, emotional well-being, relationships, personal space, and energy. Healthy boundaries help us communicate what we are comfortable with, what we are not comfortable with, and how we want others to engage with us.

But here’s where it gets interesting: your boundaries may look completely different from mine.

Let me give you an example.

If I’m on the phone or spending time with a friend and my phone rings, am I automatically expected to answer it?

No.

And maybe I’m showing my age here, but I come from a time when people could not keep tabs on you 24/7. You left the house, your mama told you what time to be back, and that was pretty much the tracking system.

There was no location sharing. No green dot announcing that you were online. No “I know you saw my message.” And definitely no investigation because somebody noticed you posted on Facebook but hadn’t responded to their text.

Somehow, we survived.

Technology has made us more connected than ever, but sometimes that constant connection can create an unhealthy expectation of constant access.

Just because I have a phone does not mean I am available every time it rings.

Just because I read a text does not mean I have the emotional capacity to respond immediately.

Just because I love you does not mean you automatically have access to every part of my life.

And that is where healthy boundaries in relationships become so important.

But Did You Actually Tell Them Your Boundary?

This is the part we sometimes miss.

We can become frustrated because someone crossed a boundary that we never communicated.

We think, They should know better.

But should they?

What feels obvious to you may not be obvious to someone else. Our boundaries are shaped by our families, experiences, relationships, values, culture, responsibilities, and even the season of life we're currently in.

That's why healthy communication matters.

Instead of expecting people to read our minds, we can learn to say:

“I may not answer right away, but I'll get back to you when I can.”

“I don't have the capacity for that today.”

“I'm not comfortable discussing that.”

“I need some time to myself.”

“That doesn't work for me.”

No five-paragraph explanation required.

Access to You Is a Privilege

One of the most powerful things we can learn about setting boundaries and protecting our peace is that we have some control over where our energy goes.

Everyone does not need unlimited access to you.

You can love someone and still have boundaries.

You can be a good mother, parent, caregiver, partner, friend, daughter, sibling, or coworker without being available 24 hours a day.

And somebody being disappointed by your boundary doesn't automatically mean the boundary is wrong.

Sometimes the question isn't:

“Are they going to be upset with me?”

The better question might be:

“What is constantly being available costing me?”

A Little Village Reflection

Think about the people who currently have the most access to your time and energy.

Have you intentionally given them that level of access—or did it just become expected?

And is there an area of your life where you need to communicate a boundary instead of quietly hoping someone figures it out?

Because protecting your peace isn't about shutting everyone out.

It's about learning where you end and someone else begins.

It was never meant for us to heal alone—but being part of a village doesn't mean everybody gets a key to your house.

Lorin Burke, MS, LPC, NCC

Founder & Licensed Professional Counselor

Lorin Burke is the founder of The Village: A Space for Healing and a Licensed Professional Counselor passionate about creating spaces where women, mothers, parents, and caregivers can feel seen, supported, and understood. Her work focuses on helping people navigate anxiety, trauma, grief, motherhood, caregiver burnout, life transitions, and the emotional weight of always being the one everyone depends on.

Lorin believes healing is about more than simply surviving—it’s about reconnecting with yourself, finding your voice, creating healthy boundaries, and giving yourself permission to live a life that feels good to you, too.

Her philosophy is simple: all true change happens within safe, supportive relationships, because it was never meant for us to heal alone.