The things mothers whisper… told out loud. By Lorin Burke, LPC | Detroit Mom | Spectrum Mom | Author| Licensed Mental Health Therapist

Nobody tells you that becoming a mom feels like starting a job you weren’t trained for — while sleep-deprived, bleeding, hormonal, and emotionally responsible for a whole human.

They give you diapers. They give you advice. They do not tell you what it feels like when love doesn’t arrive on schedule.

They tell you it’s “natural.” They tell you you’ll just know. They tell you the bond will be instant — and if it’s not, something must be wrong.

But nobody talks about the quiet moments where you’re staring at your baby, wondering why your heart hasn’t caught up yet… and feeling ashamed for even thinking that out loud.

Here’s the truth they don’t say:

Attachment isn’t automatic. It’s built — slowly, imperfectly, and through repetition.

Through late nights. Through learning cries. Through showing up when you’re exhausted, overstimulated, and still trying to recognize yourself in the mirror.

And if connection feels complicated, delayed, or different than you expected — especially if you’re navigating grief, trauma, or a neurodivergent child — that doesn’t mean you failed.

It means you’re still becoming.

When Motherhood Cracks Open Grief

And sometimes… it’s not just exhaustion you’re feeling.

Sometimes motherhood cracks open grief you thought you handled already. Grief for who you were before. Grief for the support you didn’t get. Grief for the parent you needed. Grief that didn’t disappear just because a baby arrived.

You can be holding your child and still feel something ache quietly inside you — and then feel guilty for even noticing it.

But grief doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means something mattered.

And when grief is forced into silence, it doesn’t go away — it just shows up differently.

The Silence We Were Taught

Across all communities — not just the African American community — many of us grew up hearing the same message:

“What goes on in this house stays in this house.”

That sentence taught us how to survive. It also taught us how to suffer quietly.

So we learned how to:

• Push through

• Keep functioning

• Show up smiling

• Carry grief, guilt, and overwhelm without asking for help

Silent suffering was never strength. It was survival.

And survival eventually asks for more.

Parenting Is Lifelong (Even When You’re Trained)

Let me introduce myself properly.

I’m Lorin (LB) — a Detroit mom, a spectrum mom, an author, and a licensed mental health therapist.

And here’s the part that humbled me most:

None of my training made motherhood easier.

After navigating my own child’s behaviors, sensory needs, emotional regulation, and daily realities, I had to face this truth:

I can’t run from this. I can’t sit with it in a therapy session and then leave. This is my real life.

Parenting doesn’t end when the session ends. It doesn’t pause because you’re overwhelmed. And it definitely doesn’t come with a manual.

You Are the Expert on Your Child

Let me say this clearly — and I mean it.

You are the expert on your child’s life.

Not social media. Not unsolicited opinions. Not even me.

My role isn’t to override your instincts. It’s to help you trust them again.

Especially if your child is neurodivergent — like my youngest, Jordyn, who is on the spectrum — connection may not look like what the books promised.

Eye contact might be brief. Regulation might take time. Progress might be nonlinear.

Connection still exists. It just speaks a different language.

Self-Care Isn’t Cute — It’s Necessary

Self-care isn’t just candles and quiet mornings (although yes, please take those too).

It’s:

• Boundaries

• Rest without guilt

• Asking for help before burnout

• Choosing alignment over survival

We are breaking cycles across all communities by saying:

• Mental health matters

• Healing is allowed

• Silence is not required

• Self-love is not selfish

Because when parents heal, children inherit more than survival — they inherit safety.

If You’ve Been Suffering in Silence, Start Here

If this post feels like it found you at the right time, I want you to know this wasn’t written by accident.

I’ve written books for the mothers who love deeply, grieve quietly, and keep showing up anyway:

• Mothering in Silence — for the mom holding it together while falling apart

• Mothers Cry in Silence — for the grief, guilt, and tears nobody sees

• Returning to Myself — for rediscovering who you are beyond survival mode

These books live in The Village Collection on my website, thevillagespace.net, and on Amazon.

They were written for late nights. For quiet tears. For moments when you need language for what you’re feeling.

From One Village Member to Another

If you’re reading this while your child is asleep…If you’ve cried quietly so they wouldn’t hear you…If you’re holding it together for everyone else but falling apart inside…

This is for you.

If you need someone like me in your life — someone who understands motherhood, grief, neurodiversity, mental health, and the unspoken weight so many parents carry — I’m here.

This is Village Gossip. Not mess. Not judgment. Just truth.

And in this village? You don’t have to whisper anymore.

With honesty and care, LB